My mother-in-law is very sensitive and will make a mountain out of a mole hill. She takes things personally, so, I’m not sure how to handle this. Anyway, there’s more but I won’t get into it. My husband and I are 38 and this is our first child. She is 6 months old. I was an only child and know what it’s like to grow up spoiled. I wish I could go back and change things. It took me a long time to stand on my own two feet. I grew up very dependent on my parents. I vowed that I would not raise a spoiled child. I would teach her independence and also that love has nothing to do with receiving monetary gifts. My mother-in-law always brings toys and clothes. We don’t need these things. I like to buy them myself anyway because we have very different taste. The clothes have sayings like “Princess in traing” and “I am perfect”. Let’s be real. As for toys, she has many and we are also running out of room. I know she is only six months old but they learn quickly and my mother-in-law is determined to “spoil” her as long as she is around…grrrrrrr……what do I do. I definately don’t want her to grow up the way I did. What should I say? I know that her birthdays and other holidays will be unbearable regarding this. My husband has counted himself out in helping me with this one. He has always been a big mama’s boy and does not want to “hurt” his mother’s feelings
Thank you Robert F. That ws a nice statement…maybe I am over reacting and have my standards too tight.
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My mother-in-law is very sensitive and will make a mountain out of a mole hill. She takes things personally, so, I’m not sure how to handle this. …
4 replies on “How can I ask my mother-in-law to stop buying our baby clothes and toys every time she sees her”
TO ME IT SOUNDS LIKE ALL OF YALL NEED TO TALK.ALSO YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW HAS TO UNDERSTAND THAT IS NOT HER
CHILD.SHE SHOULD RESPECT YOUR WISHES AS BEING HER PARENT.YOU HAVE EVERY TO TELL HER NICELY STOP BUYING ALL THOSE GIFTS.YOU WANT TO RASIE YOUR CHILD YOUR WAY.HOILDAYS,BIRTHDAYS,IS O.K ANYTHING ELSE SHOULD NOT BE GIVEN.IF SHE LOVES THE BABY AND YOU.SHE SHOULD UNDERSTAND WITH OUT MAKING A BIG DEAL.IF THATS THE CASE TELL HER TO GO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD THAT SHE CAN RAISE AND SPOIL ON HER ON TIME
Realize that your mother law is expressing herself in her own way. She is not you and has not experience your way of life. She has not walked in your shoes but her own. Her intentions are well meaning – she is showing her expression of love to her grandchild – cherish that –
some people get the opposite nothing / hostility / profanity / mistreatment.
What you need to do is to help her channel her giving in a way that allows her to give to her grandchild – talk with her and let her know that you are going to get savings bonds for your child’s college fund / or start a bank account or something like that – ask her if she wants to work on it with you. You do not want to hurt her feelings or alienate her – a child needs a community of family around them to support them and encourage them in life – it seems based upon what you are saying – she is doing this out of love – she likely did the same or similiar with your husband.
A child needs a combination – grandmother method some times – your method some times – from your own statement your husbands a mama’s boy – but you married him.
The best way to handle this is to sit down with your husband and work out what level of gifts you both are comfortable with. Then you need to know if he will talk to his mom (which would be ideal) or if you are going to have to take on that chore. If you are talking to his mom then that’s fine, but HE needs to know that if his mom comes running to him with complaints he has to back you up as to what you TWO sat down and agreed to.
And when you talk to his mom you don’t want to be confrontational. “You buy too much…” won’t go over as well as “we’re having trouble with storing all her clothes and toys so are trying to cut back. We’d appreciate it if you could keep that in mind and maybe save the gifts for special occasions.”
Even if you talk to your MIL you won’t be able to control her. All you can do is ask her to comply with your wishes. The reverse of that is true to. She can’t control you. Just because she buys all these clothes and toys doesn’t mean you have to use them all. Keep the best, replace anything outgrown or worn out, and then donate the rest.
Donate the gifts to charity like homeless shelters.